Funny Quotes Of The Day Biography
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
Where was the toothbrush invented?
South Carolina. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.
How do you know when you are staying in a SC hotel?
When you call the front desk and say " I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says "go ahead."
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in SC to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, " How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
How can you tell if a SC redneck is married?
There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.
Life's lesson number one
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing at all. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not?" So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson number two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson number three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate the sound. The cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
The morals of this story are:
1. Not everyone who drops sh*t on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
3. And when you are in deep sh*t, keep your mouth shut.