Funny Jokes And Quotes Biography
My friend: Your dick is probaly like a tic tac
Me: No wonder your moms mouth is so fresh
Guy1: Your zipper is down.
Guy2: Ughh, your mom is so forgetful !
Police: where do u live?
Me: with my parents
Police: where does ur parents live?
Me: with me
Police: where do u all live?
Police: where is ur house?
Me: next to my neighbors house
Police: where is your neighbors house?
Me: if i tell you u wont believe me.
Police: tell me
Me: next to my house
A couple is driving
Cop:Sir, you realize that you were speeding.
Husband:Im sorry officer, I didnt know.
Wife: What the hell, thats a lie Ive been telling you for miles!!
Husband:Shut up!! Shut the f*ck up!!No one is talking to you!!
Cop: Ok then, did you know that your license plate was expired?
Husband:No Officer, I didnt know.
Wife:NO!!! Ive been telling you for months!!
Husband:Shut the hell up BITCH nobody's talking to you!!!*cop walks over to the wife's side and says*
Cop: mam, does he always talk to you this way?
Wife:No. only when he's drunk.
Things I never learned in High School:
1) how to do taxes
2) anything to do with banking
3) how to do loans for college
4) how to buy a car / house
5) how to jump start a car
but I'm so glad I know the f*cking Pythagorean Theorem.
There was a white guy, a Mexican guy, and a black guy. All three of them bring something from their country that they have too much of. All three of them climb the Eiffel tower. The Mexican brings tacos and says, "We have to many of these in our country and throws the tacos off the Eiffel Tower". Next, the black guy brings weed and says, "We have to much of this in our country and throws them off the tower." Next, the white guy pushes the Mexican and the black guy off the Eiffel tower and says, "We have to many of those in our country."
Pick Up Line
Girl, is that a shovel in your back pocket?
Cuz I'm diggin that ass
what did the penis say to the condom ?
cover me I'm going in.
TEACHER: Donald what is the ingredients for water
Donald: H I J K L N O
TEACHER:what are you doing? That's wrong.
Donald: but yesterday you said it was H to O
A nun with big boobs boarded a bus and sat near a dude. The dude kept looking at the nun's boobs. The nun realized this. She held her rosary and asked, "Are you looking at Jesus on the cross?" The man said "No, I'm looking at the 2 thieves beside him."
Me: what do you use to catch fish?
Me: no fish bate, what do you use to catch squids?
Friend: squid bate
Me: what do you use to catch lions?
Friend: lion bate
Me: what do you use to catch I master?
Friend: I master bate, wait! Dammit...
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."