Daily Funny Quotes Biography
Interviewer: “Congratulations on winning the eighty million
Farmer: “Thank you.”
Interviewer: “Do you have any special plans for spending the
Farmer: “I’m just gonna keep farming ’til it’s gone.”
The doctor calls…
The doctor calls his patient by telephone:
“Vera, I have good news and bad news.”
“Well then, . . . tell me the good news first.”
“The results of the analysis indicate that you have 24 hours left to live.”
“Well, that’s the good news? Then what’s the bad news?”
“That I have been trying to reach you since yesterday.”
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher. -Socrates.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
How many nurses…
How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
None, as they simply have a nursing assistant to do it.
As many as the doctor orders.
How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the bulb will have to spend five hours in the waiting room.
The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night. “Please, you have to come right over,” pleaded the distraught young mother. “My child has swallowed a contraceptive.”
The physician dressed quickly; but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again.
“You don’t have to come over after all,” the woman said with a sigh of relief. “My husband just found another one.”
All it takes is all you got.
Tough times don't last but tough people do.
Pressure is nothing more than the shadow of great opportunity.
The will to win means nothing without the will to prepare.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
To give anything less than your best, is to sacrifice the gift.
Success comes before work only in the dictionary.
Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another.
You have failed only when you have failed to try.
Pain is temporary, pride is forever!
Pain is only weakness leaving the body.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
You can fight without ever winning, but never ever, win without a fight.
Winning is not everything, but the effort to win is.
Do a little more each day than you think you possibly can.
Nothing of any importance can be taught. It can only be learned with blood and sweat.
Life is about feeling someone pushing from behind and realizing that it's you.
Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.
You will have the rest of your life to remember. But what you have to remember depends on what you do today.
To achieve all that is possible, we must attempt the impossible. To be as much as we can be we must dream of being more.
A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
If you add a little to a little and do this often, soon that little will become great.
With sports, you can be involved or committed. Just like the ham and eggs; the chicken was involved, but the pig was committed. You have to be the pig.
The time to make friends, is before you need them.
The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.
Good physical condition not only adds years to your life, but life to your years.
You should have education enough so that you won't have to look up to people; and then more education so that you will be wise enough not to look down on people.
Everyone you meet knows something you don't know but need to know. Learn from them.
You are either getting better of getting worse.
Perfection comes from experiences; experiences come from mistakes.