Funny Life Quotes Biography
Humor is the best companion to get through life. Sorrows are transformed into minor interruptions when you add laughter to your life. When life sucks, read these funny life quotes. If nothing else, they will help you regain your sense of humor. And if you find someone whining, share these funny life quotes with them.
Life is rather like a tin of sardines - we're all of us looking for the key.
Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?
Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
It's possible; you can never know that the universe exists only for me. If so, it's sure going well for me, I must admit.
Henry David Thoreau
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave.
I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.
I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.
Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.
The perfect normal person is rare in our civilization.
George Bernard Shaw
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
As powerful as inspirational quotes can be, sometimes we just need a bit of humor to lighten up our day. For those occasions, funny quotes and one-liners are quite effective, especially when they poke fun at our everyday annoyances, whether it be politics, work, aging or marriage.
Not content with finding these humorous quotes on only bumper stickers, we set out to put together a list of them. Below, you’ll find the Top 100: Funny Quotes and One-Liners that are sure to put a smile on your face.
1. ”How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!’” - Unknown
2. “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.” - Will Rogers
3. “Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.” - José Maria de Eça de Queiroz
4. ”Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong” - Unknown
5. “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” - Brian Gerald O’Driscoll
6. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go” - Oscar Wilde
7. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” - Abraham Lincoln (paraphrase from the Bible, ‘Proverbs’ 17:28)
8. “The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.” - Unknown
9. “The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes.” - Albert Einstein
10. “I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.” - Unknown
11. “Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.” - Bill McGlashen
12. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” - Marilyn Monroe
13. “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets” - Al McGuire
14. “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.” - Mark Twain
15. “Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?” - Unknown
16. ”If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.” - Sam Levenson
17. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” - Earl Wilson
18. “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” - Albert Einstein
19. “The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.” - Will Rogers
20. “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”